I want to point something out to you, though I am not suggesting that you do something that you do not want to, or feel ready to do:
Some people, with little understanding and worse form (they go to a different place every time they do a posture) think they are (or why else call themselves) masters and teach. Some people, like you, realize that it is a big field, and a deep one, and they have a lot to work on. Those people often make the best teachers, even as they doubt their preparedness to teach.
That, to me, is you. Your perceptions that, ‘the faster I go, the behinder I get’ is right on for a teacher. It is not that you are getting behind, it is that you are opening up and realizing the depths of what Tai Chi is. The better you get, the more you realize there is to learn and the farther you have to go, and that is a good thing. You do not have to “master” Tai Chi to teach it. If every one felt they did, there would be no one teaching, including me. You just have to have something to offer to the beginner or some one who knows less. I think of it like a giant chain link fence, where we extend a hand up to those who know more, while extending a hand down to those who know less.
At some point I think you will realize that, as little as you think you have, people with a lot less are busy calling themselves teachers and even masters, and running classes. That is what I hope will get you to see things differently.
There is an old saying, to which I added about 25%:
He who knows not,
and knows not that he knows not,
is a fool,
shun him.He who knows not,
and knows that he knows not,
is a student,
teach him.He who knows,
and knows not that he knows,
is asleep,
awaken him.And he who knows,
and knows that he knows,
is wise,
follow him.
When you run into enough of the first type, a choice may arise before you. A decision will be a need to be made, to accept responsibility to spread the benefit of the Tai Chi that you have been taught. Or to pass on it. That you think of teaching as an honor is truly great. But think of it also as a blessing that you are able to bestow on people who do not know Tai Chi and its benefits.
So, when you are ready, take the word of a teacher, who might see you differently than you see yourself.
In Tai Chi,
Bill
